


Can You Tell Me

by TwigstheShifter



Category: Sesame Street (TV)
Genre: Elmo cusses, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 13:11:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7893922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwigstheShifter/pseuds/TwigstheShifter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bert and Ernie have to suddenly move when Ernie's parents find out he's gay and Bert mysteriously is kicked out. They find and affordable apartment, no questions asked, on Sesame Street owned by Elmo. After seeing that the house is in shambles, they resolve to move out but they get mixed in too deep in the street.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can You Tell Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is an expansion of an idea Buttstuff and I had.
> 
> They don't have an Ao3 as far as I know but here's their tumblr if you want to check it out! http://gastersass.tumblr.com/

Bert and Ernie were looking for their first apartment together, however this wasn’t the happy occasion they were planning on. Ernie was forced out of his parent’s home once they found out about his relationship with Bert, and suddenly Bert’s landlord gave him a week’s notice to move out. They stayed up all night and day, sleeping in shifts, to make sure that everything was settled and packed. Their plan had been to move in with Bert’s friends until the found something, until Ernie came home with a newspaper and a big goofy grin on his face.

“Bert, come take a look at this!” Ernie called, running over to his boyfriend.

“Settle down, settle down!” Bert warned, “What is it, exactly?”.

Ernie handed Bert the paper excitedly, reading it along with him over his shoulder.

“$400 in the city? Doesn’t that seem a little cheap?” Bert asked suspiciously.

“I googled the area, and it doesn’t look that bad. Sure there’s a few bars on the windows here and there but don’t all the ground level places there do?” Ernie shrugged.

Bert sighed and smiled. Ernie would never admit it, but he obviously had his heart set on this place.

“We’ll check it out tomorrow.” Bert yawned.

“Really?” Ernie nearly shouted.

“I promise.”

\----------------------

By the time Bert woke up, Ernie was dressed and had already scheduled an appointment to see the place with an “Elmo”. He was practically vibrating the entire time Bert was getting ready, but his eagerness was cute. They looked over the directions one last time before getting on the bus to Sesame Street, or near it at least. They had accidentally got off one stop too soon and ended up having to ask where to go.

“Can you tell me how to get-” Bert fumbled with the ad, “how to get to Sesame Street?”.

“Heh, yeah man, sure. It’s 1, 2, 3. 3 blocks east.” the ambiguously stoned monster pointed.

“Uhhh, thanks.”

Bert and Ernie followed the man’s directions and sure enough, here was Sesame Street. Ernie wasn’t lying when he said it looked nice, everyone here was smiling and humming. The buildings were mostly a bright pastel, and the sidewalks were cleaner than even the suburbs. Bert’s nerves lessened the closer they got to their destination, and Ernie was fit to burst. The stopped outside, and looked up. The apartment building was a pale yellow with green trim, a little dirty and very old looking. Together they walked up the steps and rang the bell. The door jerked open with such swiftness that it startled the couple.

“Whozit?” a brown monster growled.

“It’s Ernesto, I called about the apartment for rent?” Ernie asked tentatively.

“Oh, right, right.” the monster nodded. “ELMO?! There’s some guys out here asking about that room you got.”.

“Shit, I forgot.” a voice boomed, followed by the thud of footsteps coming down stairs. “Hey what’s up?”.

The fuzzy red monster was not what either of them expected out of a landlord. His high voice didn’t seem forceful enough for a city like this. He undid the chain and leaned against the doorframe with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He didn’t seem old enough to smoke let alone own property. 

“So you two are just gonna stand there like a couple of dumbasses or you gonna come in?” Elmo puffed on his smoke.

“We-we’ll come in.” Ernie affirmed, pulling Bert along with him.

Elmo motioned for them to follow him. The first thing that greeted you was a small foyer that led to a living room full of couches and people sleeping on them. There was a distinct, but not overpowering smell of cat pee and skunks. Elmo took a few steps up the stairs before noticing Bert had stopped.

“Hey don’t mind them, they’re harmless friends who partied a little too hard last night. Wasn’t gonna let em drive in the state they were in.” Elmo chuckled.

‘So he’s a little more responsible than I thought.’ Bert mused, catching up with Ernie.

“Hey what’s with the smell? You don’t have skunks here do you?” Bert questioned.

“Nah, keeping skunks is illegal. We do have a asshole cat though.” Elmo took another drag. “Here’s the promised land.”.

Elmo had led them to an ancient looking door with the paint that was peeling off, and had a knob that locked. He undid the door, and showed them inside. There was a bathroom, a kitchenette a living area and a small bedroom. It was in shambles, and it turned out that they would have a couple “roommates” in the form of a talkative rat that only spoke something akin to Arabic and a couple cockroaches that skittered out of sight repeating ‘sorry.’. Bert didn’t like this one bit, but it was the only thing they could afford for now.

“We’ll take it.” Bert said with a frown.

“You don’t have to be such a pissbaby about it.” Elmo commented.

“Hey, we can go elsewhere. Apologize.” Ernie glared.

Elmo had been caught off guard by Ernie, he had pegged him as a hapless idiot.

“Right, sorry for the language. ‘Round here you gotta put up a tough front or you’ll get walked all over. At least, as a landlord.” Elmo smiled as if to make his point, “I really am a nice guy, and I’ll soften up.”.

Bert and Ernie gave him the deposit and before they knew it they were back on the bus. Not as many people were on the bus back, and Bert was relieved. He had been very stressed out since he lost his teaching job, and his anxiety was flaring up. He hadn’t told Ernie yet, the fear was increasing everyday. He’d get a job as soon as they had settled down, and then they’d move to a better place.

“Do you like the place, Bert?” Ernie whispered.

Bert was taken aback by the sullenness in his usually optimistic guy.

“Not really, if I’m being honest. But it’ll do until we can find something better.” he reassured.

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Ernie perked up a little bit.

They got off their usual spot, only to find all their stuff was out on the sidewalk.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to go on a cringe blog isn't it?


End file.
